标签档案:如何拥有一个欣欣向荣的婚姻

在上周庆祝了我们18周年结婚纪念日之后,I was thinking what I would like to share about marriage.明确地,how to have a thriving marriage.

我个人知道很多婚姻中,丈夫和妻子作为室友比情侣生活得更多。It makes me sad!Because I know from experience that marriage can be such a wonderful experience.

你可能认为你婚姻不顺的原因,是因为你嫁给了谁。也许吧。In some instances,那是真的。But many marriages that I see fail,it is not because one partner is irrevocably damaged goods or completely wrong.通常,这是因为双方都有问题。因为我们内心都是罪恶的。

让我在这里非常清楚地注意到,我不是在谈论虐待。Obviously,如果有虐待性伴侣,然后你需要离开并寻求帮助。

How to have a thriving marriage

5 ways to have a thriving marriage

(1) Physical touch.亲情是自由的!应该有很多拥抱,亲吻,亲密关系,只是爱的触摸。尤其是你丈夫,女士!他们喜欢触摸和被触摸。不要耸耸肩。不要僵硬拒绝拥抱。即使当你有点生气的时候——融化在他的怀里,你可能会惊讶它让你感觉好多了!!

我知道,sometimes we kind of wanna be mad at him!We want him to know how frustrated we are.Or maybe we are giving him the silent treatment and let him know by our stiffness,我们是多么的与众不同。

Ok,回去再读最后一段。真的吗?!这是像基督一样的行为方式吗?不。如果这就是我们拒绝拥抱和爱的原因,那我们最好检查一下我们的心脏!(did you just read that in John Crist's voice?!!Haha!!不管怎样,避免身体接触是必然的,,fast如何打破婚姻中的亲密关系。

(2)约会夜。坚持!我知道——这条建议也曾让我心烦意乱,直到我意识到“约会之夜”不一定意味着要离开房子或孩子们。我们出去吃饭的钱不多。That's ok!你可以在任何地方约会,不管你有什么。

The main purpose is to spend time together,preferably in a situation where you can talk.这些年来,我们有:
–晚上散步,,
– put the kids to bed early and set up a special dinner for the two of us (I decorated while he was at work),,
–当他检查矿物质时,和他一起骑车,water,or feeds hay (can take the little ones along!),
–玩棋盘游戏等。

When we have a little extra money we like to:
–去便利店买可乐和巧克力吧,talking on the way there and back,of course.
–出去吃饭。
– Go see a movie.
– Ride to town together when he has an errand.

I will say (and my man agrees wholeheartedly) that it is very important to spend time together away from the kids,occasionally.我们在做父母之前就结婚了,孩子们离开后,我们会很长一段时间。

如果你负担不起每年的汽车旅馆住宿,然后把孩子们和奶奶或朋友一起送走,一天晚上一个人呆在家里。(absolutely NO cleaning,either!!) Trust me,the kids will be ok.即使是最粘人的,妈妈的婴儿。一旦断奶,把它们扔下来!!回家,买比萨饼,拍一部有趣的电影,早点睡觉-尽情享受吧!!

I know some you will say:""哦,but we do everything as a family!"好吧。但问题是:你的孩子不会一直和你在一起。When they leave – will you even know your partner?因为相信我,孩子们在身边的时候,你不会得到同样的一对一。

与你的配偶有某种联系——只和你们两个一起回忆——这会建立起一段婚姻。If you don't believe me,去问问几对婚姻稳固的夫妇,and who have been married over 15 years.See what they say.😉

How to have a thriving marriage

(3)沟通至关重要。I purposely didn't put this first,因为我们都厌倦了听到沟通是关键!' or maybe that's just me.😀 Haha!Anyways,是真的,不过。我们必须能够谈论一切。

  • 不说谎,不隐瞒财务。敞开心扉,给予恩典。
  • 提醒彼此你对彼此的爱。是的,我们知道——不管怎么说,and often!!
  • Don't allow little gripes to stick between you.They will fester and grow until you can't fix it easily.

我知道在婚姻中,eventually,会有大事发生的。倚靠在你灵魂之门上的东西。Something that the two of you cannot see the same way.无论是宗教差异,诚信问题,some moral dilemma,parenting ideology – whatever.At some point,你可能会面临一个很大的障碍。The answer is not to just meekly accept the other person's point of view.That just starts a bitterness in your soul that will consume you one day.我相信有更好的方法来处理它。

  • Pray about it.祈祷上帝的意志能被双方清楚地看到。Pray for wisdom.为团结祈祷。
  • 询问其他受信任的人,敬虔的朋友寻求建议。有时我们离问题太近了,以致于看不清形势。准备好听到你的配偶可能是对的!!
  • 说说吧。Be clear.甚至告诉他们你的感受。但要保持冷静。Screaming and yelling is never acceptable."你从不……"and"You always…!"不好。当你对某个特定的问题感到不安时,不要攻击他们的性格。继续谈论话题。告诉他们你真的很想从他们的角度去理解和看待,如果他们想从你的身上看到它,你会非常喜欢的。

How to have a thriving marriage

(4) Go to bed together.我曾经认为这对我们的婚姻很重要。但我听过这么多夫妇提起这件事——我认为这一定是一个普遍的问题。But here's the thing;there are two ends of every night.有晚上和早上。If your spouse wants to go to bed together,just switch your evening activities to the morning.

我知道,早上5点起床浏览Pinterest或看你的节目或打扫你的房子都没那么有趣。After 18 years of marriage,我可以告诉你,爱,与你丈夫的亲密关系远比一个干净的房子或任何个人目标更有价值。Trust me on this.

你可以做一些事情:

  • Rearrange your day so your cleaning is done before bedtime.对,这是可能的,but you may have to stop checking your phone so much and get the kids involved.
  • 放弃一个节目或DVR,白天看。(真的吗?你想在电视节目上大发雷霆吗?!!)
  • Get up earlier than you normally do,and do your things then.早晨是美好的,quiet time for moms!学会爱他们。

Again,this is an issue of building the bonds between the two of you.现在,看起来很小。但超过10,15,20年,这些小习惯积淀成厚墙。你得决定它们是你之间的墙还是你婚姻周围的保护墙。

You get to decide if they are walls between you,or walls of protection around your marriage.点击鸣叫

(5)一起吃早餐。Most wives that I know whodon't和他们的男人一起吃早餐,说他们的丈夫不在乎,或者不喜欢吃早餐。But oddly enough,many husbands who hear that I cook breakfast for my husband every day,评论他们会如何享受。

我有个主意……你问问他,如果你起来和他一起吃早餐,他会不会喜欢?如果他喜欢做早餐-你真幸运!你可以只吃谷类食品。如果你不吃早餐——不用担心,和他坐在一起。你不必说话。你甚至可以打电话,(喘气!!) as long as you both are ok with it.

但我告诉你,it's another one of those little things that bind heart and soul together.And yes,你可以改变你的习惯。🙂

一定要拥抱亲吻然后说I love you"在他去上班之前。如果你20年来每天都这样做,you will have said"I love you"7,比你睡觉的时候多300倍。You will have shared 7,300杯咖啡,彼此微笑7,300次,比那些不一起开始新的一天。你将分享7个,300 more kisses and hugs!I'd say that is totally worth it.

不,没什么大不了的。但是如果,从长远来看,it is?如果不是大问题怎么办?but the tiny,日常生活,创造强大,持久的,爱的婚姻?One small act of love at a time,几千天来,add up to a sturdy house of marriage that keeps you warm and cared for.Stop up those little cracks that let in cold air.每天为你的婚姻工作。不要让它变得无聊或停滞。

How to have a thriving marriage

Nothing is wasted,没有不必要的爱的行为。现在看来没有结果了,但要坚持下去。年复一年,你将看到你所做的巨大投资回报。

我相信这是帮助克里夫和我享受亲密关系的一些事情,loving marriage.我们遇到了困难,for sure,但上帝总是带领我们度过难关。

Recently,I was saying:"I'm sorry you had to put up with me through all these hard things."And Cliff responded:"I haven't put up with you.我们经历过一些艰难的事情,但我们一起经历过。”"

That is why it is worth it.To go through everything – together.